in hopes that a non-tattly tittle will come out of all of this
Despite what you may zink,
dear Blog,
you have not been completely abandoned.
What it is all really about is... well, a combination of: lack of inspiration, disorganization, forgetfulness, uneventfulness, too much eventfulness, lack of adventure, too many adventurous thoughts to describe, uptightness, yawny-like-attaaaahh-i-can't-use-that-word-anymore-so-i-really-meant-'comportment'-all-along, and probably a far too high intake of sodium.
Thesis is a constant heartrace and heartache and an ace of hearts which I'm within an ace of playing and that's frikkin' scary. I thought those kids that wrote the "postcards from Thesis Hell" in the college newspaper were kidding, but now I see what it was that they were trying to represent through a symbolic header to be typed above the mini-publication of their frustrations as they hopelessly appealed to we clueless non-thesising other-kids.
Anyway,
the thesis is stressful but feels pregnant with possibility. Today I was struck at something my professor mentioned in passing about his dissertation-- that he'd had to reshape and remodel it several times, and that this time he had managed to pinpoint his passion, that he had wanted to write about it all along, and that he had until recently been too afraid to begin.
The notion of fear has always been confusing to me. Aside from the pristine, night-terror-like idea of fear, which is all too straightforward and simultaneously impossible to describe, there's some subset of fear that is immensely revealing and underlyingly sublime. Fear is a funny thing. The simplest task-- sending an email, studying a map-- becomes an insurmountable problem under the lense of fear. I reckon that if one can effectively brave it and stand up to the possibilities, the outcome is probably something like that inexplicable, all-accounting sublime.
That said, I only have 35 minutes left before bed, and I will not have finished what I set out to do for the day in that time frame. One step at a time--one step at a time.
dear Blog,
you have not been completely abandoned.
What it is all really about is... well, a combination of: lack of inspiration, disorganization, forgetfulness, uneventfulness, too much eventfulness, lack of adventure, too many adventurous thoughts to describe, uptightness, yawny-like-attaaaahh-i-can't-use-that-word-anymore-so-i-really-meant-'comportment'-all-along, and probably a far too high intake of sodium.
Thesis is a constant heartrace and heartache and an ace of hearts which I'm within an ace of playing and that's frikkin' scary. I thought those kids that wrote the "postcards from Thesis Hell" in the college newspaper were kidding, but now I see what it was that they were trying to represent through a symbolic header to be typed above the mini-publication of their frustrations as they hopelessly appealed to we clueless non-thesising other-kids.
Anyway,
the thesis is stressful but feels pregnant with possibility. Today I was struck at something my professor mentioned in passing about his dissertation-- that he'd had to reshape and remodel it several times, and that this time he had managed to pinpoint his passion, that he had wanted to write about it all along, and that he had until recently been too afraid to begin.
The notion of fear has always been confusing to me. Aside from the pristine, night-terror-like idea of fear, which is all too straightforward and simultaneously impossible to describe, there's some subset of fear that is immensely revealing and underlyingly sublime. Fear is a funny thing. The simplest task-- sending an email, studying a map-- becomes an insurmountable problem under the lense of fear. I reckon that if one can effectively brave it and stand up to the possibilities, the outcome is probably something like that inexplicable, all-accounting sublime.
That said, I only have 35 minutes left before bed, and I will not have finished what I set out to do for the day in that time frame. One step at a time--one step at a time.
Francesca contentedly consumes her coffee at 4:29:00 AM
0 scoowamples
