Everything about Nothing

You search, but you know not what for.

You just search.
And you wonder whether anyone else remotely contemplates the same things you do, unlike the fellow who goes and names an idea as though he were the only one to ever think of it-- how egotistical! And then you realize that it doesn't really matter, after all... Nothing really matters, and it's not really a bad prospect to live at all. People make it out to sound as though it were a bad thing, something terrible, but it's actually the best thing that could happen to you, to follow that line of thought.

And you fear criticism for unknown reasons, since you inadvertenly pour out your own criticism on the unaware's head from day to day, regardless of whether they stop being unaware or continue doing so. You do care then, or do you? Do they, really?

And then another day goes by, and another, and another. And you find yourself, you think, but you don't really. And then you might have. What do you need? Maybe to go back and see what's remote, what's been left behind that you never even knew you had. Will it work? Worth a shot, indeed. Are you sad? No. Are you happy? No.

What are you?

"I'm a human, that's what I am!" bellows your head, flapping its internal yap, but it's unheard-well, maybe not completely, but mostly so. But are you really? Or are you just a sheep reincarnated into a human by some mere and odd chance, for neither is related to the other in any earthly nor unearthly way? Well, I suppose they could be related, somehow. Still, I maintain I didn't come from monkeys nor sheep. Sometimes I wonder where I came from, and that's supposedly a shame, a sin. Why? Insecurity is frightening very often, but then, it opens your mind to everything, and that's not so bad a thing. It can be unpleasant, however, particularly when you're so open-minded that you're not sure what you should believe in. And then you're in trouble.

There again, who cares? It's amazing how you can go to sleep and think, "You know, I might never wake come tomorrow, mate," but then, if you do know for a fact that you won't, in fact, awaken, suddenly it does matter. It matters a lot, and it's not all right anymore. Sometimes I think I'm really selfish and nonappreciative, and you know what? I am. But it's normal. It's human nature to want something. It's often inadvertent, but that's why I'm not God.

Mizar's waiting on me.