Learning inadvertently and other such rants...
Current mood: apprehensive (in all meanings of the word)
Currently listening to: Fool's Garden - "Lemon Tree"
The prior post was about the fact that I'm an idiot, that I'm human, and that I "screwed up". I let down my guard, acted like the idiot I can at times be, and made a mistake. The mistake wasn't as tragic as I likely make it out to sound in the sense that no one was harmed, and repairing my mistake will not be catastrophic. I am fortunate because I have the opportunity to get away with it; my mother actually does not have to know what happened. This saves my head... literally. Perhaps, she wouldn't physically tear off my head as I fear she would, but rest assured that I would likely be grounded until age 27.
The truth is that I am still immature and have more growing up left to do than I ever could have imagined. This is kicking in today, and, even though I wish I had never been such an imbecile, I am glad that this incident helped me realize how irresponsible I really am. I had instituted a form of idea in my head that I was a fairly responsible and mature person; why I allowed this thinking, I don't know, but the truth is that I really am not very much either one of those things.
Surely, things could be very much worse, and I could be a horrible person on so many levels. I am not. Nonetheless, now I realize that althought it is acceptable to be a disastering tornado, I should really guard against... well, myself. Although I am often told that I worry too much and am too alert about some things, I do need to worry that much because I am me. Although that sounds terrible, it is not so bad. It just means that I have to pay close attention, which is something that I obviously don't always do. I am ingrateful for so many good things that happen to me, and I suddenly realize that, too. I suddenly realize how easily I am able to get off the hook when I make mistakes and how little responsibility I really have to deal with.
I'm almost seventeen-- so young, and yet approaching adulthood. Rather, supposedly approaching adulthood. So, maybe it's time to appreciate utter deflation, and I think I do.
Eh. "Every little thing is gonna be all right," me thinks... in time-- all in due time. There goes another chapter in the book, and there goes its end, although it was a really helpful chapter in the long run.
Currently listening to: Fool's Garden - "Lemon Tree"
The prior post was about the fact that I'm an idiot, that I'm human, and that I "screwed up". I let down my guard, acted like the idiot I can at times be, and made a mistake. The mistake wasn't as tragic as I likely make it out to sound in the sense that no one was harmed, and repairing my mistake will not be catastrophic. I am fortunate because I have the opportunity to get away with it; my mother actually does not have to know what happened. This saves my head... literally. Perhaps, she wouldn't physically tear off my head as I fear she would, but rest assured that I would likely be grounded until age 27.
The truth is that I am still immature and have more growing up left to do than I ever could have imagined. This is kicking in today, and, even though I wish I had never been such an imbecile, I am glad that this incident helped me realize how irresponsible I really am. I had instituted a form of idea in my head that I was a fairly responsible and mature person; why I allowed this thinking, I don't know, but the truth is that I really am not very much either one of those things.
Surely, things could be very much worse, and I could be a horrible person on so many levels. I am not. Nonetheless, now I realize that althought it is acceptable to be a disastering tornado, I should really guard against... well, myself. Although I am often told that I worry too much and am too alert about some things, I do need to worry that much because I am me. Although that sounds terrible, it is not so bad. It just means that I have to pay close attention, which is something that I obviously don't always do. I am ingrateful for so many good things that happen to me, and I suddenly realize that, too. I suddenly realize how easily I am able to get off the hook when I make mistakes and how little responsibility I really have to deal with.
I'm almost seventeen-- so young, and yet approaching adulthood. Rather, supposedly approaching adulthood. So, maybe it's time to appreciate utter deflation, and I think I do.
Eh. "Every little thing is gonna be all right," me thinks... in time-- all in due time. There goes another chapter in the book, and there goes its end, although it was a really helpful chapter in the long run.
Francesca contentedly consumes her coffee at 5:18:00 PM
