Returning conclusions

Goodness! I had almost completely forgotten about this blog.
Well, dear blog:
ever since I last wrote herein, I have finished a mammoth undergraduate thesis which I might publish, I have discovered way more than I bargained to discover about my issues (and some corresponding resolutions), I have obtained a degree, I have met wonderful people who pump an incomprehensible amount of love in my general direction, and I have started translating a book, among a couple of other things. Oh, yes: I have done independent research and learned how to do fieldwork (more or less), all the while learning how to beat down my own stereotypes and prejudices as a result of that fieldwork.

Not bad at all!

I am in a state of questioning, these days. What kinds of questioning, you ask? Oh, all sorts, really.

I think I've decided that, for the time being, I had rather write about those kinds of questioning by hand, and I had rather share my questions selectively.
This is not precisely a "goodbye," but rather a "see you later, alligator--perhaps" of sorts. I have been fooling with the idea of starting a blog about stuff that isn't personal sometime, but I have not acted upon this foolish idea yet. Perhaps I will, eventually...

At any rate, I am actually grateful to the internet for its positive attributes, such as free webspace like this upon which one can carry out personal experiments. Mine was to explore language from a personal point of view while being mindful of an unacknowledged audience, and it was fun. Yes, that's all-- it was fun. I hope this blog won't get wiped out into the greater spidery wide world, especially because who knows-- I might just write in it again someday.

Until then, hasta la vista, amigos!

God created him, so God knows why

If my calculations are correct, it takes approximately 925 hours of perfect-minded life to understand Michael Silverstein's "Indexical Order and the Dialectics of Sociolinguistic Life," a 37-page document. That's roughly 38.5 days of life, including only high-concentration and excluding all other activities. So it'd take a lot longer to actually get through it if you allowed a total of 9 hours for the basics, e.g. sleep and food/water time. I would totally calculate it but I now see that I'm inadvertently avoiding Silverstein and should probably stop posting instead.

in hopes that a non-tattly tittle will come out of all of this

Despite what you may zink,
dear Blog,
you have not been completely abandoned.

What it is all really about is... well, a combination of: lack of inspiration, disorganization, forgetfulness, uneventfulness, too much eventfulness, lack of adventure, too many adventurous thoughts to describe, uptightness, yawny-like-attaaaahh-i-can't-use-that-word-anymore-so-i-really-meant-'comportment'-all-along, and probably a far too high intake of sodium.

Thesis is a constant heartrace and heartache and an ace of hearts which I'm within an ace of playing and that's frikkin' scary. I thought those kids that wrote the "postcards from Thesis Hell" in the college newspaper were kidding, but now I see what it was that they were trying to represent through a symbolic header to be typed above the mini-publication of their frustrations as they hopelessly appealed to we clueless non-thesising other-kids.

Anyway,
the thesis is stressful but feels pregnant with possibility. Today I was struck at something my professor mentioned in passing about his dissertation-- that he'd had to reshape and remodel it several times, and that this time he had managed to pinpoint his passion, that he had wanted to write about it all along, and that he had until recently been too afraid to begin.

The notion of fear has always been confusing to me. Aside from the pristine, night-terror-like idea of fear, which is all too straightforward and simultaneously impossible to describe, there's some subset of fear that is immensely revealing and underlyingly sublime. Fear is a funny thing. The simplest task-- sending an email, studying a map-- becomes an insurmountable problem under the lense of fear. I reckon that if one can effectively brave it and stand up to the possibilities, the outcome is probably something like that inexplicable, all-accounting sublime.

That said, I only have 35 minutes left before bed, and I will not have finished what I set out to do for the day in that time frame. One step at a time--one step at a time.

don't be fooled!

There is something intrinsically awkward about being human.

Reorganization's on hold

It has recently come to my attention that I've accidentally abandoned some (formerly) essential practices. The most important one that I think is really worth a mention is my ex-ritual of taking some time each week to hang upside down and look at the world around me from that position. The point was to remember perspective and its effects on... everything. I'm not sure when exactly I stopped, but the habit has since dissipated into sheer memory.

I wonder whether taking my ritual back up could help me come to terms with the galloping approach of: having to exchange goodbyes with multiple people I care a lot about, a ton of reflection, and the excitement of the rest of my life?

... I am stuck in my attempt to write a paper for a topic that I almost like way too much . Perhaps hanging upside down will help with that, too, and I'll actually come near conveying something to someone. :)